If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
