so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I am spending my child support on dildos
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
