He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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