Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
