Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
