get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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