dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
