People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
