Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
