STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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