Plan B is the new Plan A
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
