Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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