why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
