I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
