my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
