it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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