We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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