is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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