And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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