Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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