I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
