U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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