dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
