Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
