I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
