You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
