When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
