He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
