you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
