I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
