it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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