There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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