dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
