Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
