Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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