Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
