Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
