Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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