i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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