what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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