dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize