Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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