besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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