Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize