I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
