Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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