Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
