I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
