guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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