A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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