So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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