If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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