Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
