They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
