Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
