Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
