He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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