I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
