You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
