I must be too annoying 4 u.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
