Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
