I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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