All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
