# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
