I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
