You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
