accomplished twins. life is a go
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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