so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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