I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
