we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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