I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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