What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
