So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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