dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
