Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
