So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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